How to Make Terrible Gnocchi
The pesto would have been better tossed with small snails than with the gnocchi I made. I know I have a tendency to toot my own horn on...
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JESSICA DETTMANN
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jdettmann
- Mar 29, 2017
- 3 min
Jackhammers, Interrupted
I, sadly not a celestial being, had to remain here on the earth that quaked every day for eight or nine hours as the diggers ripped...
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jdettmann
- Mar 7, 2017
- 3 min
The Bullshit Filibuster And Other Surefire Ways To Drive Your Sibling Mad
My children have picked up on that and helpfully compensated to bring my overall happiness down to neutral. Both of them are still...
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jdettmann
- Feb 22, 2017
- 4 min
Contact High
That, of course, is when then the gods strike you down. That is when you all come down with a virus and the teacher sends home a bunch of...
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jdettmann
- Jan 12, 2017
- 3 min
TWELVE Days of Christmas? Not On My Watch
Proper homemade gingerbread house that I had absolutely nothing to do with. Grandmothers are where it’s at. Good New Year to you, dear...
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jdettmann
- Oct 25, 2016
- 4 min
The Man Who Had No Birthdays
Someone’s kid has an extendable arm that only comes out when there’s a chocolate fountain. Handy. May Blossom turned six on the weekend...
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jdettmann
- Sep 1, 2016
- 2 min
The Festival of Dangerous Ideas, As Programmed By My Children
Festival of Dangerous Ideas kicks off. My parents are going to heaps of things at this festival, including Alexei Sayle’s talk ‘Thatcher...
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jdettmann
- Aug 25, 2016
- 5 min
Area of Particular Interest
That aside, we are really very extremely excited. We are going to Finland, Sweden and Denmark. The trip has come about because Jess is a...
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jdettmann
- Aug 11, 2016
- 3 min
Olympics Para Siempre
We are disgraceful: this was one of only two photos we have of anyone in this family doing anything even vaguely athletic, while also not...
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jdettmann
- Apr 27, 2016
- 5 min
Nothing Is Fun For The Whole Family
This seems lovely, doesn’t it? Until you realise that is not the ocean Garnet is wallowing in but actually self-pity. See the ripples of...
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jdettmann
- Mar 29, 2016
- 3 min
The Longest Weekend
Poor little kid. She and her brother are so prone to ear infections and croup. They just have tiny little respiratory tracts and...
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jdettmann
- Feb 15, 2016
- 3 min
I Wandered Lonely As A Cloud Whose Kids Are Both At School
Garnet’s preschool curriculum focuses on how to induce guilt. The slow process of settling the kids into school and preschool continues...
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jdettmann
- Feb 5, 2016
- 2 min
7 Reasons My Five Year Old Shouldn’t Have to Go to School, According to Her
I have already been to school. For five whole days. What do you mean, five days isn’t enough? How long is this ridiculousness supposed to...
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jdettmann
- Jan 29, 2016
- 3 min
The First Rule of the Best Start Interview is Don’t Talk About the Best Start Interview
I was hoping the test hadn’t started yet. May Blossom has just been for her pre-starting-school chat with a kindy teacher, which is...
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jdettmann
- Dec 21, 2015
- 3 min
Life’s A Treat
Last week Garnet turned three. He’s not a hundred per cent ok with that. The boy has a complicated relationship with the ageing process....
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jdettmann
- Nov 16, 2015
- 3 min
Ignorance Is Bliss
Apocalypse now, or have we time for another coffee before the end of days? ‘Why do I still have to go to kindy?’ May Blossom moaned to...
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jdettmann
- Oct 19, 2015
- 4 min
A Very Peter Pan Birthday
Three weeks out she started saying, ‘I don’t want to hear it’s anyone else’s birthday before mine.’ Now we’re down to four days and she...
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jdettmann
- Oct 14, 2015
- 3 min
My Head Is A Compost Bin
Hiding in the corner, not doing its job well. Come on, compost bin, lean in. Hello! Well, Mental Health Week came and went last week, and...
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jdettmann
- Jun 11, 2015
- 4 min
Tough Love
This morning, as I prepared the third course of May Blossom and Garnet’s breakfast, I began to think they were a bit spoiled. After they...
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jdettmann
- Apr 17, 2015
- 2 min
The Mysterious Chocolate Cookies of Misery
I made the cookies using an amalgamation of recipes on the internet, which I found by googling ‘cacao almond cookies’. They all contained...
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