I Wandered Lonely As A Cloud Whose Kids Are Both At School
Garnet’s preschool curriculum focuses on how to induce guilt. The slow process of settling the kids into school and preschool continues...
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JESSICA DETTMANN
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jdettmann
- Jan 29, 2016
- 3 min
The First Rule of the Best Start Interview is Don’t Talk About the Best Start Interview
I was hoping the test hadn’t started yet. May Blossom has just been for her pre-starting-school chat with a kindy teacher, which is...
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jdettmann
- Jan 11, 2016
- 4 min
New Year’s Resolution: Face The Truth
I will face the truth about the Pilates DVDs. This is the year I will stop taking Pilates DVDs on holidays with me. I’ve been dragging...
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jdettmann
- Dec 21, 2015
- 3 min
Life’s A Treat
Last week Garnet turned three. He’s not a hundred per cent ok with that. The boy has a complicated relationship with the ageing process....
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jdettmann
- Nov 30, 2015
- 4 min
A Realistic Advent Calendar
Tomorrow is the first of December, which means today is the perfect day for good parents to fire up Pinterest and check out some of the...
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jdettmann
- Nov 23, 2015
- 4 min
Some Enchanted Evening
Obviously this is not the beach we went to in this story. This is Waikiki beach, where I have also been grumpy in the recent past. I’m...
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jdettmann
- Nov 2, 2015
- 2 min
Question Time
One morning – bloody early one morning – he asked me the following questions in the space of half an hour, which is how long it takes to...
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jdettmann
- Sep 14, 2015
- 4 min
Follow Your Arrow
I think I’ve figured out why smart parents make their kids listen to kids’ music. It’s so you can have conversations about how yes, the...
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jdettmann
- Sep 2, 2015
- 3 min
Roll With It
When we stayed in Perth last Christmas, housesitting for friends, I noticed a box in the laundry that had ‘Who Gives A Crap’ printed on...
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jdettmann
- Aug 19, 2015
- 4 min
Sleep Like No-One’s Watching
Gusto refusing to participate in a dramatic re-enactment of the sleeping arrangements at our house. Honestly, never work with cats. It’s...
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jdettmann
- Jul 6, 2015
- 6 min
Champion of the Novelties
I have been exercising quite a lot. It turns out the trick to exercise is not trying too hard. Apparently I knew this when I was a child...
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jdettmann
- Jun 11, 2015
- 4 min
Tough Love
This morning, as I prepared the third course of May Blossom and Garnet’s breakfast, I began to think they were a bit spoiled. After they...
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jdettmann
- Jun 4, 2015
- 3 min
Lego, Lego, Can’t Hold It Back Any More
For about a year we have had, shoved into the cupboard in the playroom where no-one ever goes because it houses the vacuum cleaner, a...
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jdettmann
- May 20, 2015
- 3 min
Go To Sleep, Little Baby
Helpfully, May Blossom and Pipsqueak look like twins born four years apart, so I can illustrate this post with a picture of my own child...
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jdettmann
- May 6, 2015
- 3 min
File It Under ‘F’.
Of course when I made the booking I didn’t write down the time or date anywhere, so a few days ago I remembered about it, in a panic, and...
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jdettmann
- Apr 17, 2015
- 2 min
The Mysterious Chocolate Cookies of Misery
I made the cookies using an amalgamation of recipes on the internet, which I found by googling ‘cacao almond cookies’. They all contained...
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jdettmann
- Apr 8, 2015
- 2 min
20 Things I Should Probably Have Explained To The New Babysitter
When Garnet says he wants to wear a dress, he means it. Unless he is talking about a T-shirt, which I have taken to calling dresses in an...
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jdettmann
- Apr 1, 2015
- 3 min
Ten Years? You Get Less For Murder!
I settled on going as a snake charmer. I do know that’s not an actual carnival or circus thing. I didn’t dress as an Indian sitting on a...
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jdettmann
- Feb 25, 2015
- 2 min
To Fiji, Come Hell Or High Vomit
Two hours and all the towels in the house later, he was a limp pile of empty little boy on the sofa, and I was reading the fine print on...
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jdettmann
- Feb 18, 2015
- 3 min
Shut Up, If You Please
One night I let things escalate horribly. I was so tired of being shouted at and told I was very, very mean, when really I am only a bit...
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