‘What’s that window doing there?’ I asked. ‘It’s not really a window,’ the brickie told me. ‘It’s more of a vent.’ I said nothing. ‘So they can get some fresh air in this bathroom,’ he clarified. ‘It’ll be frosted.’ ‘A frosted glass vent that opens and shuts is commonly called a window,’ I said in a pleasant enough voice that nonetheless contained the suggestion that he might like to go get the foreman, Paul. ‘I’ll go get Paul,’ he said. Paul the foreman, to whom I am a frequ

Here instead is a list, which will show you how deeply embedded in my life is the music and lyrics of Leonard Cohen. Leonard Cohen Song Titles That Are Also Threats or Reprimands Made By Me To My Children This Week. One of Us Cannot Be Wrong That’s No Way To Say Goodbye Is This What You Wanted? Why Don’t You Try? If It Be Your Will Here It Is That Don’t Make it Junk Going Home You Want it Darker? It Seemed the Better Way I didn’t grow up listening to Leonard Cohen. My mother

On Sunday we threw her an awesome Peter Pan-themed party, attended by seven Peters Pan, two Captains Hook, one mermaid, one Wendy (the birthday girl) and one Michael. We played Pass the Parcel with an ordinary parcel because when I went to buy the fish and chips to put in it I found the fish and chip shop had shut down. Instead, the parcel contained a lame prize in the middle and a chocolate coin in each layer, which turned out to be ill advised because every time someone unw

Is it just the hair? On Play School Humpty’s hair is usually styled with a centre part, but the toy’s hair just wants to go to one side. When I do manage to part it he looks like Robert Smith from The Cure, which is definitely an improvement on Hitler. I hope I’m not seeing connections where there are none, but it is a bit strange that they both have six-letter names beginning with H, they both lived in countries with Walls and they both suffered downfalls. Make of these fact

Things aren’t going exactly according to plan on our holiday. No sooner had we arrived and unpacked our Tetris-style car that took us a full hour to load, than I came down with some kind of horrible lurgy. Coughing like an old man outside the TAB, a headache like a horse kicked me and and a mood to match, I promptly retired to my bed and have barely raised my head since. Instead of being able to relax and clear his head, unwinding maybe just enough to start to let some of the

When we arrived in Perth three days ago, sixteen hours after Pappy’s death, we were running on what could charitably described as empty. Coming off close to a month of illness for May Blossom and me, with a few semi-emerged molars thrown into the mix, sleep was but a faraway dream. Twenty-four hours later, things were even worse. The three-hour time difference meant that we had woken May Blossom at 5 am Sydney time to get on the plane and put her to bed at 1 am Sydney time th

H’s beloved dad died on Saturday. It was expected, and a relief in that he was released from his suffering after a year of illness. It is also completely fucking devastating. ‘Silly Old Man’ is how he used to sign his letters and emails to his two boys, but of those words only the last described him. He wasn’t old enough to die. Whatever that means. He got to see his little boy become a dad though, and May Blossom was seriously the apple of her Pappy’s eye. He held her the da

I say things have gone largely to shit, not totally, because obviously everything in our lives at the moment isn’t going wrong. I think  it’s more a partial rotating malfunction. We have a healthy, hilarious child who can tell you what an owl says, what a fish says and what a dog says; H and I are healthy, if a bit exhausted, and we love each other a fat stupid lot; and my family are mostly pretty well. But there’s enough going wrong that sometimes laughter is a bit thin on t

H’s grandfather, whom I’ll call G here, was a towering fellow, both in stature and personality, but he was also kind, handsome, and a relentless flirt. He flew planes over Europe in World War II and was the pillar of his church and community. He had a booming voice with a deep growling tone and an irresistible laugh, and I feel enormously grateful that I got to know him for a few years. He had a nickname for May Blossom that was so hilariously dumb that it epitomised all dad