Jessica Dettmann

JESSICA DETTMANN

  • HOME

  • ABOUT

  • BOOKS

  • MEDIA

  • EVENTS

  • CONTACT

  • BLOG: Life With Gusto

  • More

    Use tab to navigate through the menu items.
    • All Posts
    • 101 Uses for an English degree
    • Accidents
    • Awful things
    • Advice
    • anxiety
    • Babies
    • Bags
    • Beauty
    • Blogging
    • Birth
    • Birthdays
    • Bread Loaf School of English
    • Books
    • Breastfeeding
    • Bright sides
    • Children's books
    • Cake
    • Comedy
    • Christmas
    • Cooking
    • Cleaning
    • Craft
    • Crimes
    • Discipline
    • Daycare
    • Death
    • Dreadful puns
    • Drinks
    • exercise
    • Fashion
    Search
    Roll With It
    jdettmann
    • Sep 2, 2015
    • 3 min

    Roll With It

    When we stayed in Perth last Christmas, housesitting for friends,  I noticed a box in the laundry that had ‘Who Gives A Crap’ printed on it. I looked it up online and discovered it’s a company that sells only home-delivered bog roll. I like having things home delivered and I love swear words and not running out of toilet paper, so this seemed like a good fit for us. It only took me eight months to get around to, but last week** I ordered a box of 48 double length rolls for $4
    2 views0 comments
    Games for Rainy Days
    jdettmann
    • Mar 5, 2014
    • 2 min

    Games for Rainy Days

    Others are more prosaic. Take ‘Molly Drops Her Phone’. In this game, May Blossom is Molly. Molly takes my phone, puts it in her handbag and leaves the room for a moment. Then she comes back with an empty handbag and exclaims ‘Oh no, I’ve dropped my phone in a shop!’ I then make all kinds of helpful suggestions about how we might get it back, and like so many clay pigeons, May Blossom shoots them down with deadly accuracy. ‘Well,’ I say energetically. ‘Let’s go back and see if
    1 view0 comments
    Ages Two And Up
    jdettmann
    • Nov 16, 2012
    • 1 min

    Ages Two And Up

    Are you aged two (and up)? Are you bored? Have you got no-one to play with but your own shadow? Try some of the new games May Blossom has recently invented. Blocks in Socks Take off your socks. Fill them with blocks. Swing them around like the kind of dangerous improvised weapon that would be banned in prison. Gravel in a Shotglass Go visit your uncle at the Kings Cross hotel for visiting arty types where he is staying while in town to do a play. Spend the afternoon on the co
    1 view0 comments
    What I Learned on My Holidays
    jdettmann
    • Aug 21, 2012
    • 4 min

    What I Learned on My Holidays

    1. You have to stay somewhere as good or better than home. My very clever friend Other Jess once told me this, and I think she is right. Once you have a child, and probably until they are at least five, for a trip away to in any way resemble a holiday you need to stay somewhere this is not inferior to your own home. Staying in a crappy hotel when you are travelling in Mexico without kids is fine. You can eat out every meal, spend all day sightseeing, and just use it as a plac
    0 views0 comments
    There Are People With Games Of Thrones And Stories To Tell
    jdettmann
    • Jul 10, 2012
    • 3 min

    There Are People With Games Of Thrones And Stories To Tell

    Wild scenes: May Blossom out of control in the moshpit. Tip her over, pour her out. We’ve just returned from the Play School Concert. If you’re not from Australia, I ought to explain that Play School is a half-hour television program made and broadcast by the Australian Broadcasting Corporation for pre-schoolers. It has been running since 1966. Each episode is hosted by two actors, appearing as themselves, and basically they mind your kid in a educational way for half an hour
    0 views0 comments
    She Is Sixteen, Going On Seventeen (Months)
    jdettmann
    • Mar 21, 2012
    • 3 min

    She Is Sixteen, Going On Seventeen (Months)

    May Blossom loves to play. Anything that involves chasing, shrieking and creating mayhem gets her seal of approval. Yesterday she and her mate Seamus (the same age) invented a game I dubbed ‘Letterbitch’. It involved both of them standing in front of the fridge and using violent flailing arm movements to swipe all the magnetic letters onto the floor, while shouting what sounded to me like ‘BITCH!’ over and over again. It was extremely funny. Only later, when relating the tale
    0 views0 comments
    And Finally, Monsieur, A Wafer-Thin Mint.
    jdettmann
    • Mar 16, 2012
    • 1 min

    And Finally, Monsieur, A Wafer-Thin Mint.

    As you can see, this is a very ordinary photograph of some bacon in a bain marie. Why would anyone put such a bad picture on their blog, you may be wonder. The answer is simple: this was the best bacon ever. It was the bacon served at my grandmother’s 100th birthday brunch in Denver two years ago. This was the amount left after fifty or so guests had served themselves a modest portion. Then my husband, father, older brother and I stood there and ate the rest like it was a bow
    1 view0 comments
    Ups and Downs
    jdettmann
    • Mar 7, 2012
    • 3 min

    Ups and Downs

    In the down column: 1. My 102-year-old grandmother suffered a small stroke. 2. The fate of our missing family cat, Tigercat, was discovered. It was not pretty and probably involved a fox. Vale, Tigercat. 3. Gusto, who is an indoor cat, got out and went missing for several hours on a rainy night. In the up column: 1. My grandmother was released from hospital and is now doing well at home.1. May Blossom slept through the night for the first time. 2. May Blossom slept through th
    0 views0 comments
    Is Going Out Tonight Worth It?: A Statistical Analysis
    jdettmann
    • Mar 5, 2012
    • 3 min

    Is Going Out Tonight Worth It?: A Statistical Analysis

    I bought the tickets a few months ago on a whim, because H loves Bonnie Prince Billy, who is a grumpy-looking, balding, blond bearded alt-folk-country musician. I like him too, I think, but I can’t actually remember any of his songs. Whenever I try to summon one up in my head I get a Bon Iver song. Nevertheless, I am excited to be going out. Or I was until I looked at the tickets to see what time the show starts. Nine o’clock. Nine pm. In the night. That means he won’t be fin
    1 view0 comments
    What I’ve Liked This Week: Trapped Indoors By The Rain Edition
    jdettmann
    • Mar 1, 2012
    • 1 min

    What I’ve Liked This Week: Trapped Indoors By The Rain Edition

    Wearing my new spectacles: They make me look like Colin Firth in A Single Man. The ladies are going to swoon. Watching May Blossom’s little brain tick over as she slowly figures out that there is no way to break open the littlest babushka doll in the set. On that note, rediscovering the joy of Kate Bush’s music videos. Eating Yotam Ottolenghi’s Roasted Eggplant with Saffron Yoghurt, Pine Nuts, Basil and Pomegranate. It’s a dish for which you will never have all the ingredient
    0 views0 comments
    Summer’s Blood Was In It
    jdettmann
    • Jan 30, 2012
    • 3 min

    Summer’s Blood Was In It

    The reason for the subterfuge is that since blackberries are a terrible pest in these parts, and you are supposed to keep them away by spraying them with noxious pesticides, Dad gets quite annoyed each year when he realises how many there are. We have a running joke where I pretend to hide their location from him, but he knows where they are. And he does try to keep them under control, but blackberries are serious invaders. This may or may not be the view from the hill where
    1 view0 comments
    Do Yourself A Favour
    jdettmann
    • Oct 28, 2011
    • 2 min

    Do Yourself A Favour

    This morning, between baking four huge chocolate cakes and dealing with a toddler suffering from what I thought was fear of the noise the mixer made until I realised it was desperation to lick the batter off the beaters, I finished making the party favours for May Blossom’s birthday party. Party favours aren’t something I had really planned. I might have flung a few sweets into a bought cellophane bag, maybe, if everything else had run smoothly (as if). Realistically, I proba
    0 views0 comments
    Play Along At Home Cake
    jdettmann
    • Oct 24, 2011
    • 3 min

    Play Along At Home Cake

    May Blossom's Birthday Cake May Blossom turned one and it was a marvellous day. There were blueberry pancakes with maple syrup and bacon, coffee and champagne (not for the one-year-old, obviously. Only light beer until the age of three. No exceptions.) There were presents galore, including a four-foot-high stuffed tiger and cub, a gift that was ‘for May Blossom and against her parents’, according to her uncles. There was a trip to the park and licking the beaters while I made
    2 views0 comments

    ​FOLLOW ME

    • Instagram (where I am most of the time)
    • Facebook Social Icon
    • Twitter Social Icon

    © 2023 by Samanta Jones. Proudly created with Wix.com