Billy, Don’t Be A Hero
Seven year olds can make their own fairy bread. That’s dinner for the rest of the year sorted. I’m a long way through the writing of this...
JESSICA DETTMANN
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jdettmann
- Aug 17, 2017
- 3 min
There Will Be Books
Curious George is a movie that can penetrate even the most noise-cancelling of headphones. Writing a novel in the same room as a...
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jdettmann
- May 29, 2017
- 1 min
i carry your snot with me (i carry it in my bag)
i carry your snot with me (i carry it in my bag) i am never without it (anywhere i go you go, my snotfaced dear; and whatever is blown...
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jdettmann
- May 15, 2017
- 4 min
Hashtag Mother’s Day
Just before dawn yesterday I had one of those very special nightmares where you wake, unable to breathe from the horror, saying to...
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jdettmann
- Mar 29, 2017
- 3 min
Jackhammers, Interrupted
I, sadly not a celestial being, had to remain here on the earth that quaked every day for eight or nine hours as the diggers ripped...
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jdettmann
- Mar 21, 2017
- 3 min
I Am A Lego Detective
But I’m confused, because although I think that’s what I said, what he seems to have heard is, ‘I am a Lego Detective. I can find any...
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jdettmann
- Mar 7, 2017
- 3 min
The Bullshit Filibuster And Other Surefire Ways To Drive Your Sibling Mad
My children have picked up on that and helpfully compensated to bring my overall happiness down to neutral. Both of them are still...
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jdettmann
- Feb 22, 2017
- 4 min
Contact High
That, of course, is when then the gods strike you down. That is when you all come down with a virus and the teacher sends home a bunch of...
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jdettmann
- Jan 12, 2017
- 3 min
TWELVE Days of Christmas? Not On My Watch
Proper homemade gingerbread house that I had absolutely nothing to do with. Grandmothers are where it’s at. Good New Year to you, dear...
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jdettmann
- Oct 10, 2016
- 3 min
Pining For The Fjords
I’m doing that thing I always do when I come back from new and wonderful, and I try to transport the lifestyle. When H and I went to...
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jdettmann
- Sep 8, 2016
- 3 min
Psycho Killer: Qu’est-ce que c’est?
And well might you ask, Talking Heads, well might you ask. Is a psycho killer a killer of psychos, or a psycho who kills? It’s a crucial...
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jdettmann
- Jun 29, 2016
- 3 min
It Turns Out, You Can Go Home Again
Sample bookshelf from my parents’ attic: Just one of the many collections of books that tells you probably more than you need to know...
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jdettmann
- Jun 15, 2016
- 4 min
Sticker Shock
Part of a Lego exhibition we saw on the weekend and in no way a freakishly accurate representation of our bedroom when it’s my morning to...
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jdettmann
- May 25, 2016
- 3 min
Yellow But Not Yellow
Here’s how it goes: the kids catch a cold from school or kindy or licking a parking meter, they spend four or five days being snotty and...
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jdettmann
- May 17, 2016
- 4 min
The Joy of Sticks
From top: gun, sword, wand. AKA ‘kindling for Granddad’. I’ve never thought brandishing a stick was a good idea. We were always told by...
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jdettmann
- Apr 27, 2016
- 5 min
Nothing Is Fun For The Whole Family
This seems lovely, doesn’t it? Until you realise that is not the ocean Garnet is wallowing in but actually self-pity. See the ripples of...
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jdettmann
- Mar 29, 2016
- 3 min
The Longest Weekend
Poor little kid. She and her brother are so prone to ear infections and croup. They just have tiny little respiratory tracts and...
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jdettmann
- Mar 23, 2016
- 3 min
A Hot Cross Son for Easter
This week he has been brought to howling tears by many and varied injustices. There was the fact that I would not go under the house to...
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jdettmann
- Mar 16, 2016
- 4 min
Testing Times
Occasionally he makes up a word (‘You nuckus!’) or just pops something that’s not an insult at all (‘You big sandwich!) None of it is...
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jdettmann
- Feb 15, 2016
- 3 min
I Wandered Lonely As A Cloud Whose Kids Are Both At School
Garnet’s preschool curriculum focuses on how to induce guilt. The slow process of settling the kids into school and preschool continues...
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