‘What’s that window doing there?’ I asked. ‘It’s not really a window,’ the brickie told me. ‘It’s more of a vent.’ I said nothing. ‘So...

i carry your snot with me (i carry it in my bag) i am never without it (anywhere i go you go, my snotfaced dear; and whatever is blown...

Just before dawn yesterday I had one of those very special nightmares where you wake, unable to breathe from the horror, saying to...

It turns out this writing a book lark is harder than it looks and, like so many things in life, not made easier by having two small...

The pesto would have been better tossed with small snails than with the gnocchi I made. I know I have a tendency to toot my own horn on...

My children have picked up on that and helpfully compensated to bring my overall happiness down to neutral. Both of them are still...

That, of course, is when then the gods strike you down. That is when you all come down with a virus and the teacher sends home a bunch of...

In the past I have been very bad at giving Valentine’s Day gifts to H, which is a great shame because he is far more romantic than I am...

Someone’s kid has an extendable arm that only comes out when there’s a chocolate fountain. Handy. May Blossom turned six on the weekend...

My suitcase, in disgrace It’s my fourth day in Finland and I know three words. They’re same three words I knew before I got here. Sauna,...

This useless slack-jawed snake will not do its job. I swear to Odin, the first thing I am going to do when I get to Scandinavia is go...

This week he has been brought to howling tears by many and varied injustices. There was the fact that I would not go under the house to...

Last week Garnet turned three. He’s not a hundred per cent ok with that. The boy has a complicated relationship with the ageing process....

I made the cookies using an amalgamation of recipes on the internet, which I found by googling ‘cacao almond cookies’. They all contained...

Benny Hill is a cultural reference that is on its last legs, I’d say. I only recall it vaguely from my childhood, mostly because it...

When Garnet says he wants to wear a dress, he means it. Unless he is talking about a T-shirt, which I have taken to calling dresses in an...

One night I let things escalate horribly. I was so tired of being shouted at and told I was very, very mean, when really I am only a bit...

Others are more prosaic. Take ‘Molly Drops Her Phone’. In this game, May Blossom is Molly. Molly takes my phone, puts it in her handbag...

The state of the carpet on the stairs is too shameful to photograph, so here’s a picture of Garnet in a massive hat instead. Our new...

Worth dying for? WARNING: This post contains movies spoilers and is as long as the film. Thanks, everyone, for the lovely feedback on my...