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The Festival of Dangerous Ideas, As Programmed By My Children

This weekend, the Sydney Opera House will come alive with challenging premises and audiences will wrestle with a variety of thought-provoking concepts when the

Festival of Dangerous Ideas kicks off. My parents are going to heaps of things at this festival, including Alexei Sayle’s talk ‘Thatcher Made me Laugh” and ‘The Government We Deserve’ presented by Annabel Crabb and David Marr. I will be staying at home with my children, while H heads off to Perth for a few days. But that’s no reason not be challenged and wrestle with ideas. I’ve decided to run our own Festival of Dangerous Ideas, as programmed by my almost four and almost six year olds. Let me know which sessions you want to see.

We should have our own axes.

Just because one time, more than thirty years ago, Garnet and May Blossom’s uncle, then five years old, hacked though the verandah post of a friend’s house with his hatchet, why should that mean they they aren’t allowed to own axes?

Chaired by May Blossom and Garnet

I would like to make a gas bomb and other things to announce when dinner is almost ready.

In this session, May Blossom will lead the audience through some new and innovative ways of distracting your parents from asking you to set the table.

Presenter: May Blossom

Nothing is Impossible: How I pushed over my grandparents’ 400kg cast iron fountain, fell in the pond, and managed to neither drown nor squash my three-year-old accomplice.

Exploiting momentary lapses in supervision is the key here, and Garnet challenges the idea that a fifteen kilogram boy can’t push over something more than twenty-five times his weight, while trying to catch goldfish with his shoe.

Keynote Speaker: Garnet

Angling a mini-trampoline at 45 degrees and riding down it on rollerblades: a beginners guide.

In the second talk in the series exploring things this family should have learnt from the shenanigans of these children’s uncles, May Blossom looks at why flat surfaces are inferior for skating.

Presenter: May Blossom

Concrete is the Best Surface for Learning to do One-handed Cartwheels

In this session, the panel explores foolproof ways to get a half-day off school with a concussion.

Moderator: May Blossom.

The Art of Getting Lost at Vivid

This session looks at the most effective ways of stopping your parents from taking selfies when out, and examines the power of the brief but terrifying disappearance.

Presenter: May Blossom

Roll-On Deodorant and Sticks from the Park: Perfectly Good Gifts

This panel discusses the unrealistic standards of gift parents expect for Mothers’ and Fathers’ Day, and why found objects are really all they need.

Presenters: Garnet and May Blossom

What They Don’t Want You To Know: Those Toys You Can Sit on At the Shops MOVE If Your Parents Put Money In Them.

What if there are more things our parents aren’t telling us? What if they are exploiting our pre-literate status?

Presenter: Garnet

Totem Tennis: Self-Harm Made Easy

A session exploring the wonder of a device that allows you to hurl balls at your own face.

Presenter: Garnet

Making Glaciers Look Fast: A Lesson in Putting On Your Shoes

They say that childhood goes so fast. Here’s how you can prove them wrong every day.

Presenter: Garnet

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