Rainy days when you have a toddler are, however, a whole different kettle of weasels. Especially a toddler who is going through an episode of existential angst, as mine seems to be. I won’t bore you with the details, but suffice to say it involves extreme clinginess, not much sleeping, episodes of unprovoked fury, lots of breastfeeding and a decent amount of sitting inside my wardrobe (her, mostly).
What’s up with that, you ask? I haven’t a clue. The GP hasn’t a clue. May Blossom may have a clue but she’s keeping it to herself. Maybe she just has a spot of life lag. Or it might be teething. Anyway, to get through this period, I have had to muster all my entertainment skills, all my imagination and all my creativity. Here are my Top Ten Tips for A Rainy Day With a Toddler.
1. Shout ‘Attention, attention’ through a plastic funnel. Give funnel to one year old. She will attempt same. Time: 4 minutes
2. Go to the shopping centre and let her play in the adult shoe section of Target. Time: 6 minutes, plus travel.
3. Walk over to grandparents’ house and eat pancakes while child climbs up stepladder. Time: 8 minutes, plus travel.
4. Cuddle child after she falls off stepladders and puts her teeth through her lip, again. Feed her ice-cubes and frozen peas until all is better. Time: 5 minutes.
5. Give in to child and let her play with the home phone. Marvel at her discovery that you can check your messages from the handset, not just the base station, which you never knew even though the phone is eight years old. Time: 2 minutes.
6. Give in to child and let her play with the iPhone. Marvel at her ability to override all locks and make it play Bing Crosby’s Christmas album, which you don’t even remember buying. Time: 3 minutes.
7. Walk to cafe and buy a cappuccino for you and the yuppiest drink on the planet, a babyccino, for your child. Allow child to eat a tiny gingerbread elephant that the barista gives her and endure the judgement of a five-year-old who asks her own mother in a loud and disapproving voice, ‘Mummy, why is that baby allowed to eat so many sweet things for her breakfast?’ Time: 20 minutes.
8. Allow child to nap in your arms, because that is the only way she will sleep right now. Google said behaviour and feel the disapprobation of every parent who ever went online radiating from your laptop. Accept that things will never improve and your child will be sleeping in your arms for the rest of time, if not longer. Time: 2 hours.
9. Write lazy list instead of proper blog post, and give yourself a hard time about it. Time: 20 minutes.
10. Repeat steps 1-9 until the day is over.
I hope the sun comes out tomorrow. Is it sunny where you are, whoever you are, dear reader (s)?